Besides, when your wife has calmed down, use that moment as an opportunity to talk to her about the core issues that are leading to situational anger. Shift your focus. If blame is something that has slowly crept into your relationship and that has now reached a peak, it might be that your spouse isn't happy in the marriage. You're not on-call for your ex. In 1994, two Americans launched a study to determine the cause of Beethovens end. When you are self-aware, you can clearly understand your locus of control. According to Social Worker Kriss Kevorkian, Ph.D., "When anger is involved, it's important to look at it and find out if you're angry about the situation, the person who died, or perhaps even God," she . Sound familiar? so she'd have to compare this to her own benefit (she cannot draw her own benefit PLUS her spouse or ex-spouse's benefit -- it's an either-or proposition). 2. Bitterness comes when you hold onto hurt and refuse to forgive the person who hurt you. Read on and enrich yourself and protect your marriage to make it last! Their jealousy means that they find it difficult to genuinely congratulate anyone else on their skills or achievements. One of the reasons why marriage problems linger is because the man, rather than apologize for his inactions, gets defensive. So they tend to just avoid naturally happy people. I love you Lord! What an angry wife looks like is relative as it depends on her temperament. If youve been holding in your hurt, your spouse may not even know he or she has offended you. 2023 FamilyLife. Author Sabrina McDonald hit the nail on the head when she wrote, In every marriage, a husband or wife does something that hurts the other. In all probability, your spouse just wants you to understand him. When she is angry, dont say hurtful things to her. Have you ever been around someone and you can just tell that theyre bitter about something? After you've built up a case, take your ex back to court. Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. If you try to connect with them by expressing negative emotions, you will just feed her emotions even more. And men need respect to feel loved. Once you voice your concerns, they can be addressed. This pattern has gone on for years, and now the love she once felt has hardened her heart. She explained how there are times when I tell her she needs to stop using unkind words, only for me to turn around and use unkind words a few minutes later. When God is made the focus and motivator of our lives, the revival in our homes can and will impact our corners of the world. Avoiding talking about sex problems, in-law matters, friendship concerns, personal differences, or other unresolved issues 1 Showing a lack of respect for your spouse Sabotaging your marriage Being irresponsible Not keeping your promises Most Common Factors of Divorce Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are . Anger is detrimental to a relationship or marriage if not properly handled. People who hold onto bitterness can be oblivious that this root is deeply seeded in their hearts. Don't Pull Away From Your Spouse. If you're struggling with rage, get help from a trusted friend, a pastor or a Christian counselor. Theres no point in retaliating with more negativity or indulging in a pity party for yourself. So, if you are well aware of how you feel, how to appropriately express your feelings. At Golgotha as the soldiers gambled for Jesus clothing, the dying innocent Christ prayed, Father,forgive them,for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34). Try to find the courage to actually sit down and have a discussion with them about it and how they can move forwards. They are not the victims. But hear me on thisyour spouse cannot take away your bitterness. However, the challenge of dealing with a spouse who has a negative or pessimistic mindset can be a whole different challenge altogether. As mentioned earlier, a negative mindset or attitude may be attributed to past life experiences. You undermine and belittle your ex-husband's parenting. Abraham couldn't deal with the drama and finally shipped Hagar off with their child- never to be seen again. It is difficult to handle a spouse with rage, so the best move is to give her care and attention. Pretend you're a reporter; address the bad-mouthing by delivering facts to the contrary. Certain strategies can help you keep the relationship in shape. On the other hand, some angry wives go about their daily business like nothing happened. And if you keep waiting for them to do so, you are certain to become bitter, empty, and angry. Start a discussion to understand why they feel the way that they feel. Any spouse can only draw 50% of the spouse's benefit . When this happens, try your best to shake off this feeling. No matter how many times your spouse may do something, you are still responsible for forgiving him or her. They will often make sweeping statements that show theyve judged a person or situation without bothering to try to understand the circumstances. All you need do is pay attention to her complaints to ensure she doesnt get angry again. Keep your distance Try to avoid communicating with her, don't stay alone with her. He may lose confidence in his abilities and could leave an opening for a husband to hate his wife. But what you can do is allow God to change your heart. . This can mean they start to become pretty anti-social, preferring to spend their evenings mulling over why the world is against them rather than being out socializing and making the most of life. In the same way, they have a hard time hearing gods truths, or perceive information in healthy ways regarding themselves, others, and God, leaving it very difficult for their loved ones around them to be in a healthy communication. Keep love the main motivator of your communication. Men who dont know how to calm their wives end up receiving more backlash. If you start empathizing with a very negative person, healthy emotional boundaries wont exist. It will start to manifest itself in your attitude, demeanor, and even your health. All you need do is encourage her and advise her to be patient. But surely your spouse is the exception! Therefore, some insight can help them. Stick to your decision to tell them the truth. Your spouse cant read your mind. Do your "reacting" in your own mind or in venting with a friend. You may feel like there is little hope left for your marriage relationship. During this period, she is likely to snap at anything you do. Q. It stores itself in the soul, and slowly poisons the one who carries it. Divorce Confidential: Coping With an Impossible Spouse - HuffPost Its bound to happen because none of us are perfect. Her husband will do something disappointing, and instead of confronting the problem, she silently holds it against him. Intellectually you may realize that a human being was never intended to meet all your needs. If your ex has told school staff that you're an unfit parent who lost child custody, show them the custody agreement. It might look insignificant on the surface, but left alone it branches out and continues to split until the glass shatters into a million pieces. For more information on how to forgive, readNancy DeMoss Wolgemuthsarticle, When Its Hard to Forgive.. He has to respect both parties. Its a cloud that prevents you from appreciating all the things you do have. However, the, challenge of dealing with a spouse who has a negative or pessimistic mindset. They just want to complain to you about what someone said to them, something that happened to them, or just the state of the world in general and how it affects them negatively. We all get angry sometimes, but misunderstandings and arguments are normally cleared up and forgotten. Ive learned how to be a better husband and dad because of them. Theyre either not interested in turning the sour hand theyve been dealt into a sweeter one, or theyve had so much thrown at them that they havent been able to find a way to do so. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. He has to be honest with both parties. A wife always angry at her husband could be because she is sexually starved or frustrated. Sometimes, people who are handed lemons dont make lemonade. If youre a husband whos dealing with a toxic wife, then you know how frustrating and difficult it can be. I am the president of the national non-profit organization, I speak on Marriage, Fatherhood and Family Relationships and Leadership. It's unthinkably easy when we go it with God. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. When she sees this loving act, she will revert to her normal self. Have a Difficult Ex-Wife? Dunno How to Deal With Her? Help is HERE Were you confused about what to do to make her happy? That will put an unreasonable amount of pressure on you. 1. FamilyLife is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation and all gifts are tax deductible as allowed by law. Although her behavior might be frustrating, you must be patient with her. Someone whos bitter holds grudges, is often jealous, and generally focuses on the dark side of life. It steals their joy, it steals their peace and it steals from them daily. My children live in those dual roles as well as my wife. Boy that is bitter! But if you arent responsible, you should not be a scapegoat for your spouses negativity. How Do I Deal With Her?. Thats when bitterness is manifested and causes the most damage.. Is your love for real? Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? It could have come from drinking out of lead lined cups or having dinner on a lead lined plateboth common household items in that day. It could be because of some reasons that will be treated below. According to Sussman, the most common justification cheaters use is that they weren't getting their needs met in the relationship. In this way, you can support your partner while protecting yourself. Below are 10 reasons why your wife may be angry. 1. In any case, you must not face the situation with anger. You may feel stressed, sad, frustrated, or all these things together! Well, it is important for your spouse to hear you, see the error of their ways, ask for forgiveness for the part they played in hurting you, and then make a change in how they handle it in the future. Below are 10 ways to make your angry wife happy. It breaks down barriers! Your home will lack the happiness and vibes it used to have when your wife was in a good mood. Every woman has their favorite food, and this is one of the first things to know about her. Now that you know how to deal with a negative spouse, you can start implementing these strategies to protect yourself and save your marriage. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Rather than get defensive, exercise patience with her. Pray, Pray and more prayer. 9 Things To Expect From An Angry Ex During And After - Divorced Moms The three points above are all well and good if the jaded person youre contending with is a casual acquaintance or a colleague, but if theyre a close friend, a member of your family, or a partner, you might not be able to take that approach. Let your husband's ex wife get to know you. Depending on the peculiarity of the case, if you have a wife with anger issues, you can give her some time to be alone. What are you doing about it? 13 Reasons Your Spouse Blames You For Everything - A Conscious Rethink It may be. Prepare For the Long Haul. How to Deal With an Angry Wife? - Marriage Dont just dump all your irritations and criticisms on your spouse, but speak in love, rationally and gently. But have you forgotten the mercy that Jesus had for you? If his bitter baby mama's been harassing you this entire time, talking smack about you behind your back, or calling you names in front of their child - be honest. Amen. When a woman is angry with you, try not to be defensive. You can surprise her with things that naturally make her happy. 4. because of all the negativity, the chances are that your husband or wife isnt even aware of this! In the meantime, until they give that up to Jesus we all feel the stinky effects it leaves on us!So how do we love and approach someone with bitterness?First lets define bitterness. There are some angry wives who keep to themselves when angry. Depending on the peculiarity of the case, if you have a wife with anger issues, you can give her some time to be alone. He asked, Lord, how oftenwill my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Grab Now! Before talking to your spouse, let him or her know that you plan to set aside some undistracted time for you to talk about some issues. Dont do that to yourself. Is your spouse physically healthy? If you feel like you cant talk to your spouse alone, then ask a pastor or mentor couple to join you in the discussion. So I sought the Scriptures for guidance. You can help them, and protect your own heart as well. Yet, theyre often not just angry with the individual whos wronged them, but whole groups of people. Its so easy to justify our attitude when weve been hurt, but the Bible teaches that bitterness is a sin. Paul compares it to yeast when he writes, A little leaven, leavens the whole lump (Galatians 5:6). A judgemental mindset is counterproductive when it comes to knowing how to deal with negative spouse. They think they should be the one getting the promotion or getting engaged, but they take no steps to change things to help them get there. In the same way, the outburst in your heart can result in a broken marriage, and your spouse never even saw it coming.